What’s occurring in this life of mine…

Firstly, I need to apologise for the small break there has been in updates! This has not been intentional and I will still endeavour to write as often as I can moving forward but there was been some very good reasons as to why I have not updated… the most important being that I have finally moved into my own home!! My very own home. This has of course been a very interesting time for me and one I will go into deeper in a moment. There have been other things going on recently within my life too, some which I cannot touch on yet due to the nature of them and the circumstances surrounding them but I will at a later date.

So let’s go back to the most exciting, life changing and scary thing… moving into my first real home! This has been something I never believed I would achieve due to factors surrounding both my autism and my past much of which I have discussed in previous posts.

The actual process of moving in was probably the most traumatic part of the whole experience to be fair as this was the most hussle and bussle. The day we got the keys we came over and started decorating the living room, painting it a lighter cream colour. This didn’t seem to take so long and everything was falling into place nicely. On the Saturday was the main bulk of the decorating, and I bought over a load of boxes in my car this also seemed to go very well, no real issues throughout the day and I was feeling calmer than I thought I would be about everything. This may have been due to the excitement of having a place where I could settle.

I think this is why it has been such an easy adjustment and not something that has triggered any meltdowns or feelings of anxiety. For me this was the least unsettling. I have lived since about the age of 16 between places, never being fully registered within a place so therefore unable to do something as simple as having my post sent to one place. Always living in fear that I would have to leave and move on for whatever reason, either the person getting fed up with me, it effecting their income or life too much, something happening to that person and therefore in effect making me homeless too. Although I will always be forever grateful for everyone that has had me stay with them over the years, especially my auntie who has been like a mother to me and gave me the closest thing to a home she could given her circumstances. Owning the flat takes away so much of the anxiety that I have had over how and where I live. If anything it has calmed my feelings, allowed me to sleep better, settle better, feel at ease.

Anyways, following the decorating it was time to move everything in on the Sunday. This meant people everywhere, lots going on, everyone trying to work out the best way to do something or to organise trips etc and honestly I just wanted to sit in my flat and bask in the fact that it was actually mine. The first things I needed to sort and unpack were my obsession collectables, dvd’s and books. I know to many people, especially Justin’s parents for example, this seemed strange and almost selfish because it was only my things but I need them. I needed to put up all of my Iron Man things. It made me feel happy, took away the overwhelmingness of everyone being there, everyone trying to do so much at once. It may not have been the most essential thing for actual living, to needing to get by each day but to me it was just as important if not more so as having some food in the cupboard, or the bed put up.

Buying and sorting all the things in the flat has been amazing, making it a home for both of us and sorting it to how we want it. The only aspect here is that I am very impatient when it comes to matters like these. When I know how I want something to look or what things I want to buy then I want it right now. I  am not good at being patient and getting things over time, I want things to look how I envision them right away. I have had to really work on this and curb the urge where possible. Allowing my partner to make decisions about our home too and come to compromises where needed. I suppose this is probably similar to many people when they first move in however I struggle more than others to stop myself and hold back.

So we are now two weeks into living here and everything is running pretty smoothly. Our first supermarket trip was thankfully hassle free, and not as busy or traumatic as I first envisioned it to be. We agreed on what we needed to buy so I am guessing that helped matters! The only thing we have had an issue with food/drink wise has been the milk… Now to me it says on the carton that once opened it has to be consumed within three days, also at work this is something we have to follow, therefore once three days were over I poured the rest down the sink. Now when Justin came home he asked where the rest of the milk had gone, and said that to him this is just an advisory and he goes by the date on the bottle. I burst into tears. I felt like such a failure and yet I knew I wasn’t going to be able to change my thinking. I knew I wouldn’t be able to use or keep the milk after three days because its not what it says to do. It really wasn’t a problem, the easy and quick solution is that we will buy two smaller bottles of milk rather than one large! This way it will keep both of us happy.

I have loved having people come round and see the home that we are creating, showing them what we have achieved. I have never felt prouder than what I do of our little home and how it is coming together. I am sure over the coming months there will be more posts related to how home life is going and the changes and adaptions I have to go through, but for now I am going to finish up, relax in my arm chair and enjoy the feeling of being at HOME.

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