Since my last update lots of things have been happening in the life! Firstly I left the job I had been in for the past 12 years and started working at a different nursery in the role I have always wanted! This wasn’t an easy thing for me to do as I don’t like change and quite frankly I like knowing what I am doing, the rules, policies and procedures etc but I knew this was something that I really needed to try for myself, challenge myself to do.
It has been two weeks since I started and I am absolutely loving it. I thought I was going to struggle a lot more with everything than what I have but so far things have been pretty smooth for me. The team have all been very welcoming and friendly and I have been able to take quite a bit of leadership in how I do my role which has been amazing and I am looking forward to working with the team and supporting them. Don’t get me wrong it hasn’t all been easy, getting to know a totally different way of doing things, creating new relationships, trying to remember everyone’s names and just getting used to things being different has taken its toll on me. By the end of my first week I was exhausted, not because the job has been physically taxing but because mentally I have been trying to take in so much, adapt my ways of thinking (which is never easy for me!) and throw myself into the role. By Sunday I had a headache and honestly just wanted to curl up and be in my own bubble for a while, however this weekend although I still feel more tired than normal I feel nothing like the effects following last weeks.
The team have been absolutely brilliant when I have mentioned that I am autistic too and really don’t see it as a negative which has been amazing. In fact most people I discuss it with are really good with it, but there will always be some people who don’t understand. The team have been interested in what that means for me, being autistic and have opened up about themselves too which has been nice.
The next big thing in my life right now is the fact that I have booked my wedding!! For this July! Yes, I know this means it is only 6 months to get everything ready and sorted but amazingly I am not feeling overwhelmed with it all or anything. We are only having a very small wedding with less than 30 people at the main ceremony and then less than 100 for the evening. This makes it much easier. I wouldn’t feel comfortable or be able to cope with a large wedding. It would be utterly overwhelming and I would not enjoy a single moment of it. We have had some teething problems to begin with (future mother in laws hey!) which triggered some autism melt downs and me to wonder whether I can actually cope with a wedding or not but these have all been sorted (and weren’t as major as they felt at the time). Now the venue is booked the rest has fallen into place quite well, I probably shouldn’t say that for risk of jinxing the whole thing but I am feeling happy with the process so far. To be honest I have left Justin in charge of the logistical bits (organising the registrar etc) and I have been focussing on the fun bits that are going to make the wedding personal to us. Etsy has become my new best friend and I have found loads of things that I want for the wedding. Probably as no surprise to everyone I am having a marvel (lets face it mainly Iron Man) theme but in our own way. For the colour scheme rather than going obvious with the red and gold theme we are going with my favourite colour, and Iron Mans arc reactor colour blue! I am so excited!
One of the things I have been most dreading with this whole thing is wedding dress shopping, its just not a bit of me. I have found a dress I like (online of course) but my friend Brogan (who might I add has been outstanding through the wedding planning so far!) said that I had to at least go and try some dresses on to get an idea of what I wanted, what suited me etc so last Saturday this is what we did. We went to a place in Chelmsford where you don’t need to have an appointment, its a little more relaxed and you can walk around and choose dresses yourself. Well anyways that part was fine. Brogan knew what sort of thing I wanted and it didn’t feel too challenging. Then I realised I needed to try them on, which in theory isn’t too bad, however then I realised that as its wedding dresses and there is all the silly under petticoat rubbish that comes with wedding dresses that someone, someone I do not know, have never met is going to want to help me put these dresses on, see me in little clothing and potentially touch me. I could feel myself panicking a little at the thought of this and decided that the best thing to do was be open and honest with the lady and although I wouldn’t say I enjoyed the experience of trying them all on it was immensely better than I anticipated and I was able to gain an idea of what I liked, what looked good on me etc. I don’t want to go to any other places (even though I know I probably should) but at least I can say I have done the experience and hope the dress I order online works out!
I am looking forward to marrying such an amazing man, a person who genuinely sees me for everything that I am and looks after me, loves me in a way I didn’t think anyone ever could. I never believed that anyone would want to or be able to put up with me long term, there are still times when I worry that it is all too good to be true and eventually he will realise that I am not worth all the hassle but I trust that what we feel is real and I know we are meant to be together. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else, spending any level of extended time with anyone else! As an added bonus I also wont now have a surname that puts me at the end of the alphabet! (not that it matters because I am not at school being sat alphabetically but still feels good to know I wont be a w anymore!)
I am sure that I will be writing much more as the wedding planning progresses and I am hoping to get back into regular updates now things are more settled from changing jobs.